Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
