I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
