Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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