i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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