She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
