i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
