i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
