Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
