Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
