census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
