i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's official drugs can't kill me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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