It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wear drunk well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
