just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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