Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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