I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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