garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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