Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
