"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
