How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
