found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
