we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
