Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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