I'm so fucking centered right now
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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