she woke up with a sticky ear
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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