I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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