Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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