We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
