I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
