I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize