I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize