I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
