chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
