There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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