I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't turn off my feet"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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