At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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