you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
