I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
