I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
