That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
