I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
