I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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