where does the pee come out of this thing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
