My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
