I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize