In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
