We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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