I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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