Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
