I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
