found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
