first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
