dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
