Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
