you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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