Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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