just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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