Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
