I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
