He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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