I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
