she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
